


Till I'm Nothing Like Ashes

by ykk_b0ss



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bad Thoughts, Cutting, First Love, Happy/Bad Ending, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, True Love, death? no death?, depressed, unsupportive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-10-23 10:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10717986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ykk_b0ss/pseuds/ykk_b0ss
Summary: Yuuri was very depressed after keep getting last place in ice competition. He started cutting for each time he fell on the ice. Family no longer supportive of him, including his coach. Only true friend, Phichit, dragged him out and stayed together at Detroit to get some fresh air.Viktor has been eyeing on Yuuri since the beginning and saw how Yuuri's physical change so much and seeing how sad Yuuri has become.Will Viktor's company help Yuuri or destroy Yuuri even more?





	1. Chapter 1

[18 February 2017]

Another. Again. Once again he fell on the ice during the Sochi Ice Skating Competition. The pain he felt on his hips, ankles, knees, palms after he fell, it was all memory to him.

Another. Again. He cuts for every fall or mistake he made. It was a reminder to him what a useless person he was after all.

Having to struggle with both studies and ice skating, his mind felt so jumbled up and just wanted to stop everything. The ice skating, the cuts, his studies, the expectations and hopes that his coach had for him. But then his coach wanted to just give up on Yuuri as Yuuri really had no motivation to continue his ice skating career.

After all the skaters were being dismissed after the competition, Yuuri stayed back in the first floor toilet. Even Phichit and his coach left as Yuuri wanted some times alone. He walked into the toilet and making sure no one was there and it was empty. He went into one of the cubicle and dropped his bag which made a huge sound that echoed throughout the toilet. However, Yuuri was not the only one in the toilet.

Yuuri did not thoroughly check the toilet as he only ducked to see i there is any feet on the floor. He checked nothing but apparently there was someone. And that someone was no other that Yuri Plisetsky.

Yuri put his leg up as it was a habit of him since young. Yuri was startled when he heard the ‘thud’ sound coming from someone in the cubicle. Apparently, Yuuri’s cubicle was right beside Yuri’s.

Yuri heard sobbing noises coming from the next cubicle and was curious enough to peek over to see who was it that was crying. What he saw, shocked him.

\------

Yuuri unzipped his bag and pulled out a small blade which he carried it everywhere he goes. He rolled up his shirt to reveal his torn, scarred, horrendous and bloody skin. Nobody noticed the scars as Yuuri will always wear long sleeves shirts even during hot summer or weather.  
Again.  
Again.  
Again.  
Again.  
Total of 7 cuts, 7 falls. Each cut for each cut for each mistake he made. Yuuri was crying. But he wasn’t crying of the pain. He was crying because he was a failure.

Each cut, the thick water oozed out, fell on the cold tile and let them drown.

Drip.  
Drip.  
Drip.

Till there was a small puddle of blood right below where Yuuri was standing. Yuuri’s eyes was filled with tears. The agony. The pain he felt on his heart. The weight he carried on his shoulders. It was all too familiar to him.

He just wanted to let it all go.

Yuuri carried the bloody, warm, used blade on his neck and wanted to end it, once and for all.

Yuri witnessed what the Japanese Yuuri was going to do and exited from his cubicle and went in front of Yuuri’s cubicle door.

-BANG BANG-

SOMEONE was kicking or hitting Yuuri’s cubicle door.

It startled Yuuri and he accidentally dropped the blade on the ground which made a metal echo.

‘SOMEONE WAS HERE’ disturbed Yuuri’s thoughts.

“IF YOU’RE CRYING, JUST BETTER STOP. THERE IS NO NEED FOR 2 YURIS TO BE ON THE ICE. THEY ONLY NEED ME THERE. NOT A FAILURE LIKE YOU WHO CRIES IN THE TOILET CUBICLE” shouted the Russian Yuri.

Yuri was low-key trying to say to Yuuri that he didn’t have to die just because he is a failure. Try something different.

Yuuri recognise the voice. It was the Russian Yuri.

‘Yuri is right. I better just stop ice skating. I never accomplished anything ever since I started ice skating. So, what’s the point of continuing ice skating?’ The thoughts in Yuuri’s heart.

\-----

After shouting at the Japanese Yuuri, Yuri left the toilet.

“You better not die. Not here, not right now. Don’t just give up on life because of ice skating,” said Yuri as he walked out of the building. Viktor and Yakov was waiting for Yuri to return to their hotel that they were staying at, together.

“YUURII! What took you so long?” asked Viktor who was going to hug Yuri but was then rejected with a kick on his backside.

“Saving someone from killing himself,” said Yuri, but with a soft voice which both Viktor and Yakov couldn’t hear,  
“What was that?” asked Viktor who was pretty curious.  
“I said NOTHING. You guys didn’t need to wait up for me,” said Yuri in an angry tone.  
Yuri then walked pass by Viktor and Yakov and went inside the van to go back to the hotel.

What Yuri didn’t know was that, Viktor actually heard what Yuri said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best... not to feel depressed too..  
> I wrote this before going for lecture! SEE YOU FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!

[4 August 2017]

Once more. Once more Yuuri giving himself a chance of participating in the competition. After that, he’s done. He’s done with ice skating, no matter what place he got.

“I’m tired of this. So tired of this,” said Yuuri as he laid on his messy bed, putting his cold finger on his damped face right after returning to Japan.

“Yuuri! What are you doing in there? Shouldn’t you be at the ice rink practising for the competition at Russia? The Sochi Ice Figure Ice Skating? Stop wasting your time in our room!” shouted his sister, Mari, who was standing outside his room.

Yuuri was feeling disheartened that there was no one. Literally no one, asking him how was his day? Or if he was feeling fine. They only focused on his ice skating. Yuuri grabbed his ice skates bag, mp3 player, jacket and his ice skates’ stuffs and went out of his room unwillingly.

As Yuuri went out the room, he could hear laughter from the huge hall with other guests that kept coming in the bathhouse.

“You better do well during the next competition! You think I put so much effort to earn money for you to do ice skating career and end up with last place again?!” scolded his father who was half-drunk with his guests.

‘My ice skating career? I only did this because you forced me to. I didn’t want this. I still have my studies that I’m struggling with and you gave me no support?’ disturbed Yuuri’s as he put on his sneakers that are worn out and walked out to the ice rink.

Yuuri couldn’t wait to go to the rink and let out his emotions while skating. He had so much going on in his mind that he was about to drop his knees to the ground and burst into tears. Just want to stop. Just stop with everything. So, tired of everything. Give up on everything. Ice skating, studies. Even his own life.

Right after his poodle, Vicchan, died when Yuuri was overseas for an ice skating competition, and his parents couldn’t bother to take care of his poodle, Yuuri fell into another depression and did not leave his room for a few days. And the only person who would care enough to get Yuuri out of his room was his best friend from the ice skating committee. It was none other than Phichit. Not his parents, his sister but his friend, the only friend he trusts.

Phichit is very protective of Yuuri in terms of physically and mentally. Phichit knew about his depression and his cuttings and Yuuri only told Phichit about it and trust Phichit that he would keep that between them only. Not even his coach knew about Yuuri’s situation.

\------

Yuuri walked to the ice rink. There were tiny flakes falling from the sky and Yuuri could not feel his nose nor his fingers. As Yuuri was walking on the way to the ice rink, he was having thoughts. Again.

‘Rather than going for another competition, I would rather stop now. Stop now from all the embarrassment coming from everyone. Stop embarrassing myself any further. Why did I agree to this? Why did I continue this when I no longer have interest in? Why bother? Nobody cared. No…bo..dy…’. Again, having the same thoughts. Over and over again.

Yuuri ended up standing by the seashore, looking at the horizon. The sun just set and the orange light was vanishing and disappeared.

“I should just give up. I’m so tired of this,” said Yuuri. He did not feel anything. Did not hear anything. His cold body felt numb. His surrounding went silent. All he thought about was… walking to the horizon.  
Yuuri walked out of the pathway, towards the seashore. ‘Almost there’ he thought.

“YUURI!” a loud voice was heard just when Yuuri was about to put his foot on the untouched sand.  
Yuuri was stunned and turned around and to find that his childhood friend, Yuuko, was watching Yuuri the whole time. Yuuri didn’t bother about his surroundings that he didn’t even notice Yuuko  
was there at all.

“What are you doing there? I know you’re supposed to be at the ice rink! I waited for an hour for you!” projected Yuuko from where she was standing with the noisy cars driving pass by her on the road.

‘An hour? I’ve been here for an hour already? That long?’ disturb Yuuri’s thoughts.

Rather than an hour, he felt like it was only 5 minutes.  
Yuuko then gestured to Yuuri to follow her to the ice rink.  
Yuuri had no reason to reject her and followed he like a lost dog.  
As they were walking to the ice rink, Yuuko, who was walking right beside Yuuri, she asked,

“What were you doing back there?”  
Yuuri felt hesitant to reply but he responded that he was enjoying the horizon.  
Yuuri just nodded her head, accepting his response.  
And the whole journey was silent, they were not talking to each other.  
\-----  
Yuuri quickly went to the rink, leaving Yuuko behind. He put his bag on the bench which he knew nobody would steal it as he was the only one using the rink.  
Took out his mp3 player and pop in the earpieces into his ears and start playing music for his next program.  
The moment the music was playing, he started moving his body to the rhythm.

The more he skate, the more he thought about the past. The number of times he participated. The number of times he fell. The number of times he cut his wrists. The number of times he cried after every competition.

Right in the middle of the music, he stopped moving. Stopped whatever he was doing.  
His face was looking down and small droplets fell on the icy cold floor.

“I’m tired. SO TIRED OF THIS! AAHHHHHHH!!!” Yuuri screamed at the top of his lungs with warm tearing rolling down his rosy cheeks. The sound was not able to travel to the front desk of the rink so Yuuko wasn’t able to hear or see anything.

Yuuri quickly skated towards his bag that was on the desk. Clumsily, he turned his bag upside down to take out all of his belonging that were in his bag. He saw the shiny metal, grabbed it and went straight to the nearest men’s toilet. Didn’t even bother to wear his blade guards.

Step by step, he pull his sleeves up to reveal torn, horrendous skin from the previous cuts. Once again, he put the sharp metal across his skin, and sliced over his torn skin. Instead of the blood just flowing along his slim arms, it splatter everywhere. Cut it deeper and deeper. Till there was, again, puddles of his warm, fresh blood surrounding him. By this time, Yuuri felt numb. Just the pain on his heart. Felt like the sadness piercing through his heart,over and over again.

After losing too much blood, Yuuri felt dizzy and anemic.

“I want to disappear. It’s much better that way. Nobody cared anyway.” said Yuuri, laid down on his own fresh blood, his clothes turned crimson red from soaking his blood.

\------

Meanwhile, at the front desk.

“Yuuko-san! Is Yuuri here?” asked the Thai man, Phichit.

“Phichit! What are you doing here? Yeah, Yuuri is now skating in the rink,” Yuuko answered, looking surprised.

Apparently, Phichit came to Japan to visit.

“Skating?... Now? In the rink? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???” Phichit raised his voice at Yuuko and looked angry but scared at the same time.

“Don’t you know what Yuuri would be thinking if he was skating?” Phichit asked Yuuko again but with a more angry tone.

Phichit didn’t give Yuuko a chance to answer. Phichit dropped all of his belongings and went inside the rink.

Phichit could not find Yuuri anywhere but he knew where was the other place that Yuuri would be at, the men’ toilet.

Phichit burst open the toilet door, the smell of iron was the first thing he took noticed of before seeing Yuuri lying on the floor, looking pale.

No words was needed for Phichit. Phichit ran towards Yuuri, lift his head slowly and searched for Yuuri’s pulse on his slender neck. Phichit felt a small pulse and he knew Yuuri still had a chance in life.

He carried Yuuri’s cold and light body out of the toilet and towards the road. Phichits clothes were drenched from Yuuri’s blood. His pants, shoulders, arms and neck.

\-----

Yuuri only managed to get some of his conscious back. He only saw images of cars racing, his friend Phichit, and a white, bright room. A very bright room, full of lights but very blurry.

The next thing Yuuri knew, he woke up in a room. A person’s bedroom. It was dim, like around late afternoon.  
.  
.  
.  
.

[7 September 2017]

Yuuri tried looking left and right but just opening his eyes hurt enough. He tried moving his fingers, then to his arm.

When he had enough strength to rotate his neck, he looked around to find another source of life in the room, 'someone's room'.  
“Where?” said Yuuri with a sore voice, that anyone could barely hear.


	3. Chapter 3

[11 September 2017]

“No. You can’t go back to the ice rink,” said the Thai man who was restraining Yuuri from leaving the room.  
“Phichit, I have to practice!” said Yuuri who was trying to break free from Phichit’s grasp.  
“YOU DO KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GO ICE SKATING AGAIN! I WON’T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN!” scolded Phichit and managed to get Yuuri calm down.

Yuuri stopped struggling from Phichit’s grip and had a dead look on his face.

“AHH!! I have something for you! Wait here,” said Phichit. He KNEW what Yuuri was thinking with the dead face. Phichit went to the kitchen to bring the bowl to the bedroom. Phichit pushed the door open with his backside, “Surprise! Your favourite food! Pork cutlet bowl”.

Before Phichit knew what was going on, Yuuri started crying. Not loudly, just tears were flowing down his cheeks constantly like a water pipe with no faucet.

Phichit quickly put down the bowl on the bed and comforted Yuuri.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?” asked Phichit who was trying his best to calm Yuuri down but panicking at the same time with a puzzled look on his face.

Yuuri chuckled and wiped his tears but they keep flowing which damped the blanket that was lying on top of Yuuri’s legs.

“No… Nothing was wrong. It has been awhile since someone one remembered my favourite dish. And it’s been awhile since I ate that. Thank you. Thank you, Phichit. You’re the best,” said Yuuri with a calm but still a sad smile. Yuuri stood up and hugged Phichit who was still stunned at the whole situation. Phichit was glad that Yuuri could say what he was thinking instead of keeping it all to himself. Phichit felt relief if Yuuri was relying more on him.

Phichit hugged back, giving Yuuri a strong hug, telling him, he will always be there if Yuuri needed him, “Let’s eat in the dining hall”.

Yuuri just nodded and followed Phichit’s lead and enjoyed their day eating the delicious pork cutlet bowl.

\-----

[25 September 2017]

“It’s been 2 weeks. You sure you’re okay to participate?” Phichit asked as they were standing on the cold ground surrounded by other skaters skating. Yuuri nodded as he held Phichit’s arm, reassuring that he was fine.  
Yuuri then skate away, leaving Phichit watching over Yuuri. Yuuri was skating to a program, leaving Phichit stunned and unconsciously took out his phone and recorded it.

\----

Back in Russia…

“Yuri! Come here and practice!” scolded Yakov who was standing outside the ice rink.  
Yuri was standing by the ice rink looking through his social media on his iPhone.

Yuri then came upon a link “Katsuki Yuuri skates to Viktor’s program, ‘Stay Close to Me’”

“What on earth is that pig doing? I told him to stop skating but he skates to Viktor’s program. Idiot,” said Yuri. He put his phone down but he had a small smile at the corner of his lips.

Yuri then continued with his lessons, leaving Viktor in his penthouse with his poodle, Makkachin.

Viktor was too focused on the video of Yuuri skating to his program, ‘Stay Close to Me’ that he did not feed Makkachin for lunch yet.

“It’s him. The one who….” Viktor did not finish his sentence in words but in mind.  
‘The one who stole my heart’ is what he said in mind.

“I need to find him. Makkachin! We going to find Yuuri! Now!” Viktor tossed his phone on the couch which he was lying on and went to his wardrobe and took out his luggage and just messily put in his clothes and extra stuff in it without knowing how many days he planning to stay at the country Yuuri was living at.

“Viktor took his phone and went on to Instagram and Twitter. Posted a picture of his luggage and Makkachin and captioned, “Where to find Yuuri Katsuki, the skater?” and he also tweeted, need to find the Japanese skater, Katsuki Yuuri. Do you know where to find him? Or where he lives?”

He put his phone down and resume to pack his luggage. Makkachin was walking to and fro from the bedroom to the living room.

After just a few minutes with no time to waste, Viktor picked up his phone again and looked at the replies and comments were made by his fans and friends.

From his Instagram, he received 334,589 likes and 10,287 comments.

 

Some repeated comment such as  
‘Why you are looking for Yuuri Katsuki?’  
‘He lives in Detroit, USA! I heard he is living with his friend from Thailand, Phichit!’  
‘Makkachin so cute!!!’  
‘Viktor!!!! I love you!!!’  
‘BRING ME’

“So, he lives in Detroit now. With his Thailand friend. Hmmm. That Thailand friend is always around him,” Viktor said with a dissatisfaction tone.

Viktor grabbed his coat and dragged his luggage out of his bedroom.

“Makkachin! Let’s go to Detroit!” said Viktor, excited to see Yuuri again.

Viktor forgot to tell Yakov that he was going to Detroit right after he boarded the plane. And of course, he sat at First Class which allows dogs to be on the same platform.

Just a few minutes on the plain, Viktor gave Yakov a text message that he was leaving for Detroit in search for someone.

Then he switches off his phone, knowing that Yakov would give Viktor tons of messages and calls.

Viktor put aside his phone and hugged his dog. He smuggled no Makkachin’s fur and thought about Yuuri.

“Yuuri… I wonder how you are right now…,” said Viktor a he slept throughout the whole journey to Detroit.

\-----

[5 January 2017]

A few weeks back, during the banquet right after the Sochi figure skating competition.

“Phichit… I’m not in the mood right now. Must I really be here?” said Yuuri, holding a champagne glass wearing a formal attire along with Phichit and their coach.  
“Yuuri! You should interact with people! You are always alone. And don’t make me leave you again!” pouted Phichit as he drank another glass of champagne.

Yuuri looked around to find someone who he can recognise. Sadly, there was no one. He saw Viktor talking to the other skaters and his friends. The Russian Yuri was talking to Otabek. Yuuri would probably knew they were already going out with each other. Phichit was talking to Leo and Guang Hong Ji.

“How can he talk to people so easily?” complained Yuuri in his heart about Phichit.

Not long after that, Yuuri was left alone.

Again, it started.

‘You’re so useless’  
‘Why are you even there?’  
‘See, nobody wants to talk to you’  
‘Do they even know you?’  
‘You’re completely invincible to them’  
‘Just disappear’  
‘You’re not needed here’

“Things are better when I’m not around,” again his bad thoughts came in.  
Yuuri slid past by the people there. Just before leaving the banquet hall, Yuuri grabbed one of the champagne bottle and looked down as he left and went to his hotel room.

Blood was dripping down his suit like a loose waterpipe from the previous session he had and Yuuri was unaware of it.

\-----

“Viktor! Congrats in winning first place again!” said Mila, holding up her glass of champagne to make a toast.  
“Thanks Mila,” said Viktor as he also raised his glass of champagne to make a toast. Some of the champagne spilled but they didn’t mind.

Viktor drank the champagne which was sweet but still taste strange to him, a person who rarely drank alcohol.

Viktor turned his head left and right, as if he was searching for something, or someone. Mila noticed he was not focused on the subject they were talking about.

“Searching for a partner?” teased Mila.  
Viktor turned towards Mila and just shook his head. They continued with their conversation but Viktor saw a black-haired person walking out of the ballroom with a bottle in his hand.

“Hey Mila, I need to go! See you again soon! Oh! And, I totally ship you with Sara,” Viktor winked at her as he handed her his glass and walked towards the black-haired man.

“Yuu- “just before Viktor could catch up to that man, he was stopped by his friends and some reporters.

Viktor couldn’t reject them and tried to entertain them for a while.

While Yuuri was already in his hotel room during his sorrow away.

Yuuri was already drunk gulping the bottle of wine down till there is none left.

“Really… Why am I really here? I’m nothing, compared to Viktor, Yuri, J.J, Chris, they are all the matter,” Yuuri drunk walked to the toilet in his room along with the empty glass bottle.

Yuuri stripped his clothes off starting from his tie to his boxers. He then walked towards the tub. He threw the bottle into the tub and it shattered into millions of pieces in the tub. He laid his head on the side of the tub as he turned the water pipe to full blast. Instead of cleaning the glass shards, he just entered the tub with the shards Laid his head backwards, leaving his whole body soaked with the water and the shards.

The shards cut his pale skin bit by bit till there was blood sipping through his skin and was mixed with the water. Yuuri grabbed one of the shard that laid below him and cut his legs, thighs, stomach, forearm, chest, calf and then his wrist.

Deeper and deeper till the HE was bathing in cold blood, his own blood.

\-----

Viktor was unsure of where Yuuri’s hotel room was. He had a suggestion and went back in the ballroom to find the tanned-man.  
Viktor patted at the tanned-man from behind and noticed that he was already drunk.

“Phichit, what is Yuuri’s hotel room?” Viktor asked nicely.

Phichit turned around to see who the man was but his vision was so blur that he could only see the grey hair and is a very tall man.

“Oh… It’s you… Vik…tor… hic. Nikifo…rov. Yuuri? His room is 1704. What?... He left?... Well you better chase after him. HAHAHHA,” said Phichit while his body was swaying left to right.

Viktor was confused why he must chase after Yuuri. As the tanned-man walked away, Viktor waste no time and went to the lift to Yuuri’s room.

Yuuri was still in the tub. After he felt satisfied, Yuuri stood up to reveal all the cuts and blood oozing out from his scarred body.

KNOCK KNOCK.

Yuuri was shocked to hear the knock. He just deceived himself that that was not his door that someone was knocking.

KNOCK KNOCK.

He said that it was not a mistake.

Yuuri quickly washed his body using the showers and put on a robe. Sadly, it was white and no other colour was available.

Yuuri was stealthily walked to the door. He made sure to have the lock locked from the inside.

“Who…. Who is it?” Yuuri hesitated asked the stranger outside the door.

“It’s me. Viktor. Viktor Nikiforov. Can… can I come in? if it not troubling you,” asked Viktor waving at Yuuri as Yuuri opened the door slightly.

‘OMG. IT’S HIM,’ screamed his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

[5 January 2017]

Yuuri was hesitant whether to let Viktor in his room. Well, apparently, Viktor s very persuasive with his words. Yuuri couldn’t help but allow him inside.  
Yuuri told Viktor that he could sit on the bed that Yuuri was not using. Viktor sat down like a lady, was not sure on how to react that he was in Yuuri’s room. And Yuuri was only wearing a robe.

‘Oh my god. Yuuri is wearing a robe. JUST A ROBE’ disturbed Viktor’s heart.

Yuuri sat down and got to the point, “So, what do you want to talk about?”

Viktor was a bit startled by the look that Yuuri gave.

Viktor expression changed. From shocked to serious.

“Yuuri” said Viktor, as he grabbed Yuuri’s small delicate hands.

Yuuri blushed just by hearing Viktor’s voice calling his name.

Yuuri looked up into Viktor’s eyes. His eyes were blue. Not ordinary sky blue, or the colour of the paint flaking off the old shed in the bac of the field, or even the little flowers that spring up by the side of the road. His eyes were blue like the sea, crystal clear blue-shimmering and crashing and churning. Considering his eyes, you could hear the waved falling against the shore, see the foam flying into the air. His eyes were blue like the sky right before the sun disappears- dark rich indigo, with specks of wild colours here and there, His eyes were blue like the warm wool sweater that you put on when the air gets that chill- comfortable, warm, familiar. His eyes were that kind of blue.

Staring into Viktor’s eyes for too long, he looked at his lips. His soft, moisture lips. Yuuri felt calm around Viktor. His heart was not beating like crazy.  
Yuuri felt so calm that it was painful. He had a painful expression on his face and water was accumulating in his eye socket.

“Are you okay?” Viktor voiced out. Yuuri looked up to Viktor.

Yuuri looked sad and shocked. But not in a bad way.

Again.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri looked agonized. A tear fell out of his eye socket. Slowly, more and more tears flowed.

Viktor felt panicked and was unsure of what to do.

“Uh. Uhhhh. Yuuri??? Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Viktor held Yuuri’s hands and patting Yuuri’s back.

“No. It’s nothing. Please go out. I want to be alone for a while” said Yuuri pushing away Viktor’s hands.

Viktor felt disheartened hearing that from Yuuri when he was giving some assistance.

“Alright. But if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to talk to me or anyone. We are here for you,” said Viktor handing a piece of paper with his name and number on it.

‘There for me? There is nobody there for me. Nobody cared about me. I’m always all alone,’ bad intentions again entering his mind.

Viktor pecked on Yuuri’s forehead and left his hotel room.

Right after Viktor left, Yuuri ran to the door and locked the door and laid his back on the door and slid down.

It was truly amazing how every time Yuuri felt emotional pain, it didn't hurt as a cut or a bruise would. It was just this heavy feeling. His head spins and it's as if his tongue felt too big for his mouth. Yuuri felt the need to wipe away non-existent tears that he wanted to form but they wouldn’t.

And It was truly amazing how every time he felt that pain the only explanation he could sum up, was how he caused that pain on yourself. All that does, though, was bringing on even more pain.

Every ounce of him wishes he had the nerve to swing his body off the top of a building. To walk deep into the depths of the ocean and stay down under. To take a gun and place the cool metal down his throat, pulling the trigger, shooting away the pain.

But he couldn’t. Some part of his saying to stay. Live. Continue with life. Don’t stop here.  
Yuuri’s head was full of thoughts, negative and positive that he wished to just forget about everything.  
Yuuri just screamed. Screamed at the top of his lungs. Screamed till his throat hurts.

His crying was both ferocious and noisy. He blinked briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his wobbling chin.

Clear watery snot streaked from his flaring nostrils down his red mottled skin to his open quivering lips. His hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain if only he could find it.  
\-----  
Viktor was right behind the door. Sitting right behind Yuuri’s door. Hearing the painful cries, his screams and his pain.

Viktor couldn’t help but to just hear his cries. He hated it. He hated himself not being able to help him. Being useless and just hearing Yuuri’s pain. He couldn’t help but to cry along.

“Yuuri… hic…hic…ya lyublyu tebya,” said Viktor just before he completely left the corridor.


	5. Chapter 5

[13 September 2017]

Viktor finally landed on a foreign country with his brown poodle. Viktor pulled out his phone to contact Yuuri but he realised that he did not have his number. Yuuri never tried contacting Viktor. Not once. Not ever.  


“Haaaa. How am I going to find him now?” sighed Viktor as he squatted down thinking that finding Yuuri would be easy.  


In a blink of an eye, Viktor thought of going to an ice rink. He got no other options but to go

there. Viktor whistled his poodle to follow him. Again, using his social media to ask which ice rink Yuuri would use in Detroit.  


The moment Viktor entered the ice rink, almost everyone ran up to Viktor. He is basically like a god to them. Ice skating God.

 

“Viktor Nikiforov! What are you doing here?” asked one of his fangirls who was clinging onto Viktor.

 

Viktor broke through without answering any of them as he had no purpose with them. His only objective was Katsuki Yuuri.

 

Viktor was giving an angry aura that he wished not to be disturbed and of course his fans left his alone. He sat at one of the benches where he could get a good look at the ice rink.

 

Waiting and waiting for him to arrive.

 

\------

 

“Yuuri! Come on! We have not been going out for 3 days. I need to get some sunlight on my body!” said Phichit who was shaking Yuuri who was still in his bed.

 

“Phichit, you’re not a plant. You can go by yourself,” groaned Yuuri. His eyes were half- open.

 

Phichit pulled the curtains to reveal the sunlight that was piercing through their wide clear windows.

 

Yuuri groaned as the sunlight hit is closed eyes.

 

“Phichit! Close the curtains! I’m tired!” groaned the sleepy Yuuri.

 

Phichit pulled Yuuri’s blanket away and scolded him for being tired. Yuuri have been staying at the place for the whole week and just gaining weight from eating and just playing games.

 

Yuuri sat up and looked up at Phichit. He raised his arm to pointed him index finger towards Phichit and said, “I’ll go with you. Only if you clean me, dress me up and carry my skating bag”.

 

Phichit just smiled at Yuuri and gave him thumbs up.

 

Amazingly, Phichit did his task given from Yuuri. Cleaned his body, dressed him up and even carry his bags. Yuuri was a bit shocked that Phichit was doing all the task when it was a joke from the beginning.

 

Phichit walked towards the door to leave their place and opened the door.

 

“Ready to go, damsel in distress?” Phichit moved away from the open door and bowed to Yuuri.

 

Yuuri just chuckled and went out the door with no complains.

 

\-----------

 

“Wow. I didn’t expect there would this many people today,” said Phichit staring the number of people at the ice rink.

 

Yuuri was also shocked but relieved that they were only at the bench area and not skating. It was even more shocking that there were barking noises in the rink. It seemed to him that the people was focusing someone on the bench.

 

He was just glad that there were not many people on the ice as he would get pressured. Yuuri was still unable to skate properly as he was embarrassed by the video that Phichit posted online and world-wide. Yuuri had been hiding himself for the whole week, waiting for the hype about him to die down.

 

The people was not focusing anyone on the ice but someone at the bench.

 

Of course, Yuuri did not even car who that person was but unlike him, Phichit was very curious to find out who that Phichit dashed to the bench. Yuuri put on his skates stepped into the rink.

 

He took out his mp3 player and plucked in his earpiece. Yuuri started skating to, again, Viktor’s program, ‘Stay Close to Me’.

 

\-----

 

‘Is he really not coming?’ disturbed Viktor’s heart.

 

Viktor was wondering when Yuuri might reach the rink. Or even never. He was already stressed with his fans keep trying to talk to him as he kept staring at the entrance door to the rink.

 

Viktor was at the urged of leaving when his fans was clinging onto him. Viktor tried not to be mean and telling them to leave him alone but destroying his kind side was not an option to him. He just kindly told them not to touch him as he felt a little bit uncomfortable. But, he was feeling VERY uncomfortable.

 

His fans listening to him by not clinging closely to him but just sat about half a meter away from him.

 

Viktor have been staying at the rink for about 3 hours. His fingers were so cold that wearing gloves were not helping at all, and his nose was red like a reindeer’s nose.

 

Finally, he could not wait any longer. He grabbed his bag, stood up and left the bench area. Makkachin was obediently followed Viktor.

 

Some skaters were entering and chit-chatting with each other and Viktor overheard what they were talking about.

 

“Hey! Isn’t that Viktor’s program ‘Stay Close to Me’? Wow. He must a very talented skater,” said the female skater.

 

Viktor felt his heart pumping loud. Dropped his bag and ran towards the ice. He eagerly looked for the dark-haired man skating to his program.

 

There he was, skating to a program. HIS program. His body was stiff, making his experience harder. But once he loosened up, after an hour to be exact, he glided along easily.

 

He brought his right foot back in next to the left and zigzagged. He took longer and long strokes, one foot after the other. After pushing from the wall, he felt free as a bird, holding his arms out and smiling. He bent his knees and moved his body with easy strokes. Soon, both skates were parallel to one another, pointing the same angle, making him go farther and faster down the rink. He lengthens his left and right leg, alternating his strides.  
 

He balances on either foot, making the sport look easy. Bend his knees and squatted into a dip position. He was frightened when first stepping on the slippery ice surface He worked up some courage to move away from the rail. His arms were flapping around like an airplane propeller. He was truly stunning.

 

\------

 

Yuuri was skating for him. For Viktor. Yuuri was still not aware of Viktor, watching him as Yuuri was engrossed at skating to the program.  Remembering the warmth from Viktor’s hand holding Yuuri’s cold as ice hands. The soft lips from Viktor’s mouth on his burning forehead.

 

After skating the program ended, Yuuri finally noticed Viktor was right there. Standing right opposite, outside the rink, looking straight at him.

 

That moment, Yuuri heart sank. Sank so low that he was not sure of what to do anymore. He just skated to Viktor’s program. His unrequited love’s program. In front of him. Was not able to look away from Viktor, so they kept staring at each other.

 

Viktor, then, mouthed towards Yuuri as Viktor pretty much was sure that Yuuri could not hear what Viktor would say if he spoke.

 

And Yuuri understood what Viktor was saying.

 

Yuuri finally able to function his body again and skated away from Viktor. Yuuri searching for Phichit as skated towards him.

“Yuuri? Are you okay? Why is your face so red? Are you having a fever?” Phichit asked a million of questions.

 

“OMG. Viktor… he said” said Yuuri silently.

 

Viktor mouthed, “You. Are. Beautiful”.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

[13 September 2017]

Viktor went to the restroom and changed into his comfortable clothes. He quickly put on his skates as he wished to skate with Yuuri. Only Yuuri. After stepping on the cold ice, Viktor skated towards Yuuri, wanting to talk to him.

To Yuuri’s surprise, he did not expect Viktor to be chasing after him. Yuuri just dragged Phichit, who was right beside him, to skate away from Viktor.

They were just skating around and around the ice rink. The people around were just stunned at the scenario, Viktor chasing after Yuuri on the ice.

While both Yuuri and Phichit were skating away from Viktor, Phichit kept asking Yuuri all sorts of questions.

“Yuuri! Why is Viktor chasing after us? No, I mean, why is he chasing after you?” that was the first question.

“Shouldn’t you stop and talk to him?” that was the second.

“Did something happen between the two of you that I didn’t know?” the third.

The crowd was non-stop taking pictures and gossiping about the relationship of Viktor and Yuuri. Phichit was completely out of the question.

Yuuri refused to answer any of Phichit’s questions and denying this reality. Yuuri’s stamina could not stand anymore and exited the ice, leaving Phichit on the cold ice. Yuuri quickly remove his skates and packed his bag. Viktor wanted to exit as well to talk to Yuuri but was blocked by the tanned-man.

“I’m sorry Viktor, but what purpose do you have with Yuuri?” Phichit stretched his arms out to block Viktor’s way.

Viktor peeked over Phichit to look at Yuuri. Then he looked at Phichit’s frustrated face.

“I… I just want to talk to him. To Yuuri,” said Viktor while fidgeting, wanting to skate over to Yuuri before he went off.

Phichit let him after seeing how impatient Viktor was and he also skated towards Yuuri. Phichit also quickly removed his skated and packed his stuff following Yuuri’s lead.

While they were packing their stuff, Phichit’s curiosity was overflowing and in need of answers but he knew Yuuri did not have any of the answers.

“Yuuri. Do you want to talk to Viktor?” said Phichit in a soft voice.

Yuuri looked confused but scared.

“I… I want to. But I don’t” a simple but complicated answer. Phichit asked why to Yuuri but Yuuri just kept silent.

Viktor managed to catch up to them but by the time Viktor reached to Yuuri, Yuuri was rushing out of the building. Having Viktor’s fans surrounding him, it was difficult for him to chase after Yuuri and the questions flooding about why Viktor was there at Detroit and looking for Katsuki Yuuri. Viktor was devastated.

Yuuri was speed walking back to their place and Phichit was walking on his normal pace, watching over Yuuri from behind.

Phichit thought that it was stupid to avoid Viktor. Plus, Phichit knew Viktor would be there at the rink. It was all over Instagram. Phichit wanted Viktor and Yuuri to talk and have a proper conversation.

Phichit know Yuuri has a crush on Viktor ever since Yuuri was young. Looking down while walking, recalling all the memories of watching Viktor’s skating program on the television, to started skating lessons, to seeing Viktor for the first time, to skating on the same ice as the Viktor Nikiforov.

Then he also recalled all the pain memories Yuuri went through with his families and his emotion state. Phichit promised himself that he would protect Yuuri, just like Yuuri did to him.

“Yuuri! Why are you walking so fast! Let’s go eat somewhere!” said Phichit, having to project his voice with the distance between the two of them.

Yuuri turned around and just smiled at Phichit. Phichit knew Yuuri agreed.

\-----

Viktor was utterly lost. Lost and devastated. Not knowing which direction that Yuuri went.

-Beep-  -Beep-

Viktor’s phone sounded. He looked at his notification and it was from Instagram, private message. And it was from Phichit. Viktor quickly went to the application and read the message.

 

‘Hello Viktor, this is Phichit. You are probably lost right now and searching for Yuuri. We are eating at Dime Store, just a 10-minute walk from the ice rink. Don’t worry, the shop accepts pets. We won’t be staying long so, if you wish to talk to Yuuri, you better get here fast. Yuuri is a fast eater.’

Viktor quickly switched application to maps and searched for the location. Just as he found where that shop is, he ran to the location. Makkachin was obediently followed Viktor.

\-----

“Phichit, have you decided what to order?” said Yuuri, who already had a food in mind and his stomach growling.

“Hm… No. Not yet. Excuse me, can you give me another 5 minutes?” said Phichit to the waiter, named Leo. The waited nodded and walked away.

Yuuri was waiting for Phichit to picked a dish. Just ONE DISH and took him forever.

While Phichit pretending looking at the dishes on the menu, Phichit was more focused at the entrance of the restaurant.

After seeing the grey-haired man, Phichit stood up and said that he left something back at the rink and he will be right back. In the speed of lighting Phichit was gone.

Phichit walked towards Viktor.

“Talk to him,” that was all what Phichit said to Viktor, slapping Viktor’s back, trying to encourage him and left Viktor to talk to Yuuri, alone.

Viktor’s heart was pumping fast and was having second thoughts of walking towards Yuuri’s seat. Viktor gathered all the courage he had and lift his foot and stepped forward. That was his chance of talking to him again. Talking to Yuuri again. After so many months passed by, Viktor had been non-stop thinking about Yuuri. Everything about Yuuri.

Even tried to find him in social media, but Yuuri rarely post or update. Yuuri was always being tagged by his friend, Phichit. That’s why Viktor followed Phichit back just to see Yuuri’s face on his small flat screen.

Viktor walked towards that familiar back and patted on Yuuri’s shoulder.

“Phichit, what took you so long? I’m starving here!” said Yuuri as he turned back. To find, not a tanned man but a pale skin, grey hair and ocean blue eyes.

“Yuuri… Hi. May I sit here?” said Viktor giving his kind smile. That smile that rarely seen on Viktor’s face. Yuuri unconsciously nodded and Viktor sat right across where Yuuri was sitting. Yuuri’s eyes was wide eyed, still thinking whether it really was really Viktor. The Viktor Nikiforov.

Viktor was scanning through the menu, leaving Yuuri gazing at Viktor as if Yuuri was trying to drill holes on Viktor.

“Yuuri… Can you please stop staring at me too much?” said Viktor who was facing down showing his hair whorl.

Without realizing, Yuuri tapped onto Viktor’s hair whorl. Viktor’s face widen so much that so was utterly shocked. Yuuri was too shocked and backed away from Viktor.

“AHHHHH!! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I- I just. I didn’t realise. I- I just. Didn’t realise. I’m sorry,” said Yuuri as his voice was more of a whisper as he continued apologizing to Viktor and covering half of his face with his cold hands.

“Hahahahaha! It’s okay Yuuri... Yuuri. You hurt my feelings, did you know that?” said Viktor as he held Yuuri’s cold hands that Yuuri laid it on the table.

Yuuri was a bit confused of why suddenly Viktor said that he hurt his feelings and was trying his best not to sweat through his palms as Viktor was holding them.

Viktor’s heart was beating quickly just by looking at Yuuri’s eyes that were the type of brown that was like a sweet chocolate. The chocolate that melts at the slightest bit of the heat from love, or happiness. But that chocolate can also grow hard from the cold harsh reality that is apparent in this world. Heartbreak, or the depression that he hid from all those around him so well.

Yuuri’s heart was also beating quickly looking at Viktor’s eyes and his warmth from his hands which were amazingly smooth but rough at the same time. Viktor’s eyes were a perfect spring sky, his mind clear and his smile was warmer than the gentle sun.

“Yuuri. I’m here for you. I’m here for you. I have always been. Every day, every single, I waited for you to call. But you never did. So, I might have thought that you did not want to talk to me, or was not sure of what to talk about. But I waited for you. Where did you go?” said Viktor while looking at Yuuri’s watery eyes.

Yuuri couldn’t believe it. Someone like Viktor waited for him. Cared for him. Loved the ugly him. But Yuuri knew that Viktor did not know the deep part of Yuuri. Not yet. Yuuri did not want to let Viktor know about ‘that’ part of him. Yuuri was not prepared to tell Viktor yet. Knowing that Viktor might reject him, could be the worst memory, no, nightmare, Yuuri can have for the rest of his life. Yuuri wanted to tell Viktor. Just let it out. But at the same time, he just did not want to. It scares him to death just seeing Viktor’s disgusted face towards Yuuri. His heart could not make up its mind. It was breaking Yuuri. Again. Yuuri could feel the tears were started to build up. Yuuri could not even meet Viktor’s blue crystal eyes.

Viktor tried to have Yuuri to look at him but it was a complete failure. Yuuri just won’t meet Viktor’s eyes.

“Yuuri?” asked Viktor after seeing that Yuuri was not responding to him.

Yuuri stood up and told Viktor that he couldn’t do this. Just like that he left the restaurant. He couldn’t order any food. Again, he left. Without saying the words, he wanted to say everything to the person he cared so much, instead he left.

Viktor was left behind. Again. Viktor was in deep thought. Why Yuuri left him again. Why was Yuuri putting up a wall between them. Viktor tried so hard to climb over that wall, but Yuuri kept building up more and more.

Remembering what happened back at the hotel, Viktor regretted so much leaving Yuuri all alone. Leaving Yuuri alone, crying to himself. With no one there that he could share with.

‘No. I won’t allow Yuuri to be alone again. Never again he would allow Yuuri cry to himself. Viktor stood up and searched for Yuuri.

Yuuri heart was aching with every step he took as he walked away from Viktor.

“This was for the best. It was better… this way. It’s was better for not letting him know. I’m sorry, Viktor,” said Yuuri as he walked in a quick pace.

Viktor ran out of the restaurant, looking left and right searching for Yuuri.

After recognising Yuuri’s body figure, Viktor told Makkachin to chase after Yuuri. Viktor was pretty surprised how far the distance was between them already.

Makkachin was able to catch up to Yuuri and stopped Yuuri’s fast-paced walk.  

“Viktor’s poodle. Makkachin. What are you doing here? Where is Viktor?” Yuuri asked questions but knowing that the dog could not respond. The dog was just sitting in front of Yuuri while wagging his tail.

Looking at Makkachin, reminded him of Viktor. Yuuri squatted down and hugged Makkachin.

Viktor was 3 meters away from Yuuri from behind.

“Yuu-,” Viktor stopped just one meter away from Yuuri.

“Viktor. I love you. I love you so much. But I’m sorry. I’m just not worthy of you,” said Yuuri toward Makkachin.

Makkachin started barking after seeing Viktor was standing behind Yuuri.

Yuuri stood up and quickly turned around.

Before Yuuri knew it, someone was hugging him. Hugging his so tightly that the person did not want to let go.

After hearing those words, Viktor burst into tears. Yuuri held it in for so long. And Viktor was not there for him.

Yuuri recognise the boy build, the hair, the clothing’s, the warmth. It was Viktor. Viktor was hugging him.

“Viktor?!” aid Yuuri not knowing Viktor was behind him. And might have thought that Viktor might have heard what he said.

“Yuuri. I heard you. I heard what you said. You worthy for me. You are enough for me. You are the only one for me,” said Viktor snuggling his face onto Yuuri’s shoulder’s.

“Wait… Stop… Viktor. Please let go of me. You are better without me. So, stop,” said Yuuri as he was trying to break free from Viktor’s grasp.

“I love you. I love you. SO MUCH THAT I COULD DIE. You have no idea how long I have waiting to do this to you. Ever since that day, I have been waiting for you. Waiting for you to reach out to me. But you didn’t. So, it was my turn to reach out to you. I would never leave you. Never again. Please, Yuuri. Don’t push me away. Not again,” said Viktor with him sobbing through his words.

Tears was flowing from Yuuri’s eyes like a waterfall.

‘Love me? He loves me? How could he have loved me? I’m nothing. He loved me since that day? I’m useless,’ disturbed Yuuri’s heart.

‘That’s right. How he could have loved you? He is just pitying you. He doesn’t love you. He never did. Viktor is like that to everyone,’ again., the thoughts came running through Yuuri’s mind.

Yuuri’s mind was a mess, again.

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. HOW YOU COULD HAVE LOVED ME?” Yuuri screamed and ran away, pushed away Viktor from his grasp.

Viktor was utterly shocked to hear Yuuri raising his voice towards him. Viktor rarely hear Yuuri’s voice.

Viktor ran. Chasing after Yuuri. Ran and ran.

Yuuri’s heart and mind were a mess. He didn’t want to feel this way again.  Not again.

\-----

‘You’re useless. You are not needed. SO JUST KILL YOURSELF!’

His mind was taking over his body. Yuuri did not want this life anymore. After giving so much problems he gave to Phichit, Viktor, his coach, family, he finally realise he was not needed. Nobody loved him. Nobody needed him.

“I’m not needed here,”

Those were the last words before Yuuri stood in front of a fast-moving truck, smiling.

The bright lights from the truck headlight were the last thing he saw.

Viktor’s image was the last thing he pictured.

‘Ya lyublyu tebya, Vitya’

His last thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

[13 September 2017]

Dark. Everything is so dark. Where am I? It’s so cold. Why is everything so dark?

\-----

Warmth? From where? It feels so nice.

\-----

I’m feeling so sleepy. It’s okay to sleep for a while, right?

\-----

“-Yuuri!” a distant voice.

\-----

Hm? Viktor?

\-----

“Yuuri! Open your eyes please! Stay with me!” said Viktor in a distressed voice.

\-----

Open my eyes? But I’m so sleepy. Aren’t you right beside me?

Hey, Viktor. Can I sleep for a while? Just for a while.

Goodnight, Viktor.

\-----

[20 November 2017]

“Doctor! Can’t you do anything? Why is he still in coma?” said Viktor who was pleading at the doctor that was assigned to Yuuri.

“Viktor, I know that you cared for him very much but I have no control over someone who is in a coma. He may be there but his soul is not. He… is the same as being brain-dead. I’m sorry,” said the doctor, bending down, apologizing to Viktor and walked away. Even doctors can feel in pain and the sorrow of losing their love ones.

“No. Yuuri… Please wake up,” said Viktor who was standing outside Yuuri’s room will wired and tubes in and out of his body, tears non-stop flowing down his cheeks, banging on the transparent wall, begging Yuuri to wake up.

\-----

[13 September 2017]

Right after the incident, Yuuri hit his head hard and caused most of the bleeding. Viktor’s hands and legs were shaking so much he couldn’t grab Yuuri properly and in the end, he just hugged Yuuri on the cold ground till the ambulance came to pick up Yuuri. Not giving a damn if his expensive clothes were coated with blood, sweat and tears. All Viktor waned was Yuuri to stay with him

\-----

 

[29 November 2017]

“Good afternoon, Yuuri. I’m here again. I brought you chrysanthemums and carnations. Sorry I came so late. The traffic was heavy out there. Are you feeling alright?... I guess you could not answer that yet. Guess what happened just now! Well, Yuri won finally won gold in his Junior Competition.

I guess he just must beat my score to be the top… I wished we could skate together. Compete together. Learn to love each other.  Every day I yearn that. Every day I see partners skating on ice and I wished for that to be us. We can, right? I just have to wait, right?” Viktor choked on his tears wishing Yuuri would wake up.

Viktor wished to stay longer but he had practice with Yakov. He placed a box right next to Yuuri on a table and kissed Yuuri on his temple and said,” Happy Birthday, moya lyubov”.

Just as Viktor slide the door open, he’s gone.

\-----

[13 September 2017]

“SOMEONE. PLEASE HELP ME! ANYONE! DOCTOR! NURSE! PLEASE! HE’S DYING!” shouted Viktor who was crying and carrying Yuuri’s cold and bloody body into the hospital lobby. Yuuri’s body was so cold that even Viktor’s body warmth was not enough.

A doctor came rushing towards Viktor and saw the situation. The doctor turned to the nurse who was at the counter.

“Nurse! Get ready the operating room. Sir, I need you to calm down and we will help you. We will send your friend to the operating room. But you must fill in the forms first,” the doctor gave Viktor a clipboard with some papers clipped to it and scan through it.

“Please save him. Please,” said Viktor who was sobbing on the doctor’s knees, begging to save Yuuri.

The doctor gave Viktor a pat on his back and told him to wait, he will save him, and walked to the operating room.  Yuuri was already on the way to the operating room.

Viktor filled in the forms and saw the section, ‘Relationship’.

Viktor was confused of what to write there. Husband? Friend? Acquaintance? Brother? Brother-in-law?

So confused, that the nursed saw Viktor’s tensed face.

“It’s okay if you don’t know what is your relationship to the boy. You can leave it blank. You can fill it up when the boy waked up. And don’t worry so much. Put a little more trust in our doctor. Doctor Seung-gil is a very successful doctor. He graduated from South Korea Medical School,” said the nurse who was at the counter with a kind smile.

Viktor then filled in the rest of the form. He was quite impressed that he knew most of the things to fill in. Like, his phone number, family members, his age, birthday. But for address and other personal information, he had to ask Yuuri’s family or Phichit, the only person close to Yuuri for the past few years.

Viktor had Yuuri’s phone and switched it on. To his surprise, it was a picture of Viktor as his wallpaper. It was during the skating program, ‘Stay Close to Me’. Viktor felt his heart fell.

“Yuuri,” said Viktor, not feeling determined to try to unlock Yuuri’s phone.

All the possible password Viktor could think of.

Yuuri Katsuki. No.

Ice Skating. No

Y.K. No

Then it struck to Viktor. Since Yuuri had a wallpaper of Viktor, the password, should not be difficult to him.

Viktor Nikiforov.

Ka-chik     -

“I’m in! I can’t believe even the password is my name,” said Viktor was who sighing and a bit blushing knowing Yuuri loved Viktor.

Viktor quickly went to ‘Contacts’ and contacted the person named ‘Phichit’.

\-----

“Hello? Yuuri? Where are you? Why didn’t you reply my messages? Or… are you with Viktor now?” said Phichit with a cheeky voice.

“H-Hello. This is Viktor Nikiforov. There was… was an accident… He is not in the hospital. I will s-send you the address through message,” Viktor waited. Waited for Phichit to say something back. But, there was only silence. Not long later, Phichit replied with an ok and hung up.

Viktor then proceeded to the ‘Message’ icon and types out the address to Phichit. He also added that Yuuri was in the operating room.

Viktor went to the door right outside the operating room, waiting for Yuuri to come out.

\-----

It took hours. Hours Viktor could think of.

“Please come back to me”, said Viktor in a soft voice with his fist at his mouth. He kept frowning waiting what the hell is going on in the operating room.

Heavy footsteps were echoing towards Viktor.

“Viktor”, said Phichit, who was catching his breath, sweat dripping down his temple, drenched in his sweat.

Viktor was quite surprised seeing Phichit. He thought that Phichit could not come after hearing the news. He stood up. But before Viktor could say anything, Viktor’s cheeks were burning in pain.

Phichit’s palm hit Viktor’s face. “You were supposed to protect him. Take care of him. WHAT HAPPENED??!!” said Phichit with heavy flow of tears coming out from his eyes, dropping on the ground, telling them drown.

Viktor was speechless. He could not say anything at all. Not even sure of what to say.

In his mind, the only words he thought of, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. It should have been m. I’m so sorry! YUURI! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” screamed Viktor, who was also bawling crying, dropped his knees on the cold tile.

Phichit could not get angry with Viktor. Not like this. Not now.

Instead of being at each other’s throat, they waited and waited. Waited for Yuuri to come out of the operation room. Coming out alive.

While waiting, Viktor asked Phichit, why was Yuuri always bring distant towards him. Why Yuuri won’t tell Viktor what was wrong.  Ever since the banquet, Viktor could not stop thinking that there was something Yuuri wanted to tell him just couldn’t.

\-----

 

Phichit took a deep breathe.

“It all started when he started ice skating. I met Yuuri one day while he was practicing at the Ice Castle rink. He was practicing so hard, although he fell down a dozen of time, Yuuri continued to skate. Knowing that you can injured the knees and ankles, Yuuri continued to skate. I… I couldn’t do anything either. I didn’t even know him then. He would go to the toilet and… and cut himself. On the wrist. I tried to stop him but he was quite persistent. Yuuri passed out after that. Looking at his wrist, I could tell that it was not his first or second time doing that. Of course, I took care of him.” Phichit stopped to buy a drink from a nearby vending machine.

He sat down right beside Viktor and continued from where he stopped.

“Making sure that he was alright. Then, Yuuri became open towards me and started telling me his story.  He had depression. Ever since he started ice skating, he thought that he found his freedom. But everything changed when Yuuri’s parents told him to take up lessons and participate in competition. Yuuri did not want to participate but he could not go against his parents. So instead, he moved in with me in Detroit to be away from ‘things’. Then he started to talk about you more often. How amazing you are on ice. Wish to skate with you. Just skating on the same ice with you makes him blush. It was quite a sight I must say. And so, I thought that I could leave Yuuri to you one day. Knowing how much you actually liked Yuuri the moment you saw him,” said Phichit who was trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

Viktor’s face went beet red, “How did you know?”

Phichit chuckled and said, “Your Instagram post says it all. You really need to be careful of what caption you put. Even someone like me managed to know who you were talking about”.

Viktor’s Instagram photos were filled with deep thoughts quote about a person.

‘I didn’t know _____ raven black hair was so smooth’

‘That cheek can get so red like an apple that I just want to bite it’

‘That beautiful brown eyes that captured me still lingers in my memory’

‘Skin was so pale and gorgeous. I want to say that it only belongs to me’

“Ahhh. I’ll make sure to be careful. I kind of hoping that Yuuri would see those post but I guess even rarely uses any social media sites. From what you were saying, Yuuri always busy with ice skating. I just wanted Yuuri to look at me. Look at my direction. But he just keeps building walled between us and I don’t know why” said Viktor with a frown face. Viktor got up and went to get a drink as well from the same vending machine.

Phichit threw his empty can into the dustbin and continued.

“That was because… Yuuri didn’t believe you. Imagine being in Yuuri’s shoes. The amazing ice skating king, Viktor Nikiforov falling in love with a Japanese skater which is placed last and nobody knew him. And going through all his depressions, he would just think that you are pitying on him. Not actually caring for him. And because of the cuts, he does not want you to be involved. I thought that he would go through it alone,” said Phichit, playing with his fingers, refusing to look at Viktor in the eye.

Viktor’s face was still frowning, thinking that he could have done more. Done so much more.

Phichit looked at Viktor and told him to be rest assured. Phichit knew that Viktor meant no harm to Yuuri.

So, they waited. Waited for Yuuri.

\-----

An hour passed by and someone came out of the operation room. It was Doctor Seung-gil.

“Who is the guardian of Yuuri Katsuki?” said Seung-gil with a serious look and he wanted answers then.

Both Viktor and Phichit looked at each other wondering who shall be the guardian.

Phichit pushed Viktor towards the doctor, “This guy is the ‘husband’”.

Viktor’s eyes widen so much hearing the word ‘husband’

Seung-gil told Viktor to follow him to his office to discuss some things.

Both sat down face-to-face.

“He had an internal bleeding from the brain. And right now, I’m not clearly sure what effects he might have after he wakes up. He might not be able to remember you, or your friend or himself. But he is not in a coma. He just need time to rest and heal. Judging from his scars from his wrist, I could say that he had been through a lot. Even if he had amnesia, there is a 50% chance that he might remember his memory. And I’m pretty sure you are not his ‘husband’” said Seung-gil making a smirk.

Viktor turned a bit red.

“Uh. Yeah, I’m not. But I hope I can be one. Ha-ha” Viktor just laughed it off.

“Make sure to tell to Yuuri’s parents about the news. They need to know” said Seung-gil bowing towards Viktor, apologizing to him for not being able to help any more than that.

\----

Viktor was completely not prepared to tell Yuuri’s parents. Not even to Phichit.

After leaving the office, Phichit’s eyes was full of curiosity.

Viktor keep swallowing his guilt and told Phichit.

\-----

Phichit started tearing up. His face became damped.

His knees dropped on the ground. The pain of thinking that a friend might not be able to remember. And his rate of surviving is not even confirmed.

Viktor just hugged Phichit, bearing half of the pain.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YESSSSSSSS CHAPTER 8 OUT. OMG. SORRY FOR THE REALLY LATE CHAPTER! busy with school and house cleaning this month.  
> be prepared for chapter 9!!!

[17 December 2017]

The sound of sliding door was the first thing Yuuri heard while being in a coma.

‘What was that noise?’

Soft footsteps were approaching him slowly. Yuuri could see a shadow cast over his forehead.

‘So warm’

“Yuuri. How are you?” said Viktor, with his kind and tender voice.

‘Yuuri? Who?’ Yuuri was thinking hard of who was this ‘Yuuri’ was.

‘Yuuri… It that supposed to be me?’

“I brought you flowers again. This time its roses! White roses. For some reason, white roses suit you the best rather than lilies. I’ll put them on the vase” the sound of a chair being dragged. Again, footsteps but this time was moving away from him.

‘Why that voice sounded so similar to me? It’s so nice and soothing’

In Yuuri’s mind, he could only remember Viktor’s face, his voice. But could not remember who himself was.

Viktor walked back to his seat which was right beside Yuuri’s bed.

Viktor held Yuuri’s hands, warming him up.

‘Ah… I remember now. I’m Yuuri Katsuki. I’m a figure skater. I’m 24 years old. What happened to me? Why is it so difficult to move my body?’

‘I remember this warmth. But from where I felt it before?’

Yuuri’s face start to move a little by little. Yuuri started to frown and slowly moving his fingers.

“Yuuri, I beg of you. Please wake up,” said Viktor having a pained look on his face.

“Just for me, wake up, for me,” said Viktor, knowing Yuuri would not wake up just like that.

Yuuri heard everything Viktor said.

‘Viktor. Viktor. I’m trying to’

\-----

Viktor stayed at the same position for a few minutes before letting go of Yuuri’s hand.

‘No, Viktor. Don’t go.  

Yuuri unconsciously grabbed Viktor’s hand and opened his eyes.

“Don’t go!” shouted Yuuri, alive and awoken.

Viktor’s eyes were both wide open and in shocked.

“Yuu-ri… Yuuri. YUURI!” cried Viktor, hugging Yuuri.

‘Eh… Viktor? Why is he hugging me? Wait. Where am I?’

“Eh!? Uhh. Viktor? Please… Please let me go?” said Yuuri, who was panicking and struggling to let loose.

“No. Never again. Never again I am going to let you go. I lost you once. Never I am going to lose you again,” said Viktor, looking straight into Yuuri’s hazel-brown eyes that just opened up after 4 months.

“You… lost me once? When? What happened to me?” asked Viktor as Yuuri looked around his body and to find scars from both his wrists.

“Did… Did I?” Yuuri was looking scared, terrified. His face was turning white.

Viktor quickly held Yuuri’s hands and telling his that it was not that he committed suicide. Viktor did not want Yuuri to feel sad anymore so he told a lie to Yuuri.

“No! That’s not it! You had an accident! Do you remember?” Viktor was hoping that Yuuri would not remember but he knew that Yuuri needed to know the truth… Just not that day.

“I think I remember. I… I was running. Running away from someone… Then suddenly a huge light was right in front of me… I think… it was a truck? Car?” Yuuri kept thinking hard of who he was running away from. In the end Viktor told Yuuri that it was alright, he did not need to remember of the past.

Right then, it struck to Yuuri. He remembered who he was running away from.

Yuuri slapped Viktor’s hand away, leaving Viktor shocked.

“It… it was you I was running away from. I remembered now. I remembered the whole thing. You don’t actually care for me. You said you loved me but it was just out of pity, wasn’t it?” shouted Yuuri, crying, again.

Viktor tried to hold Yuuri’s hand to calm Yuuri down. But all Yuuri did was slapping Viktor’s hands away and refused to listen.

Viktor stood up and grabbed Yuuri’s cheeks and pulled it closer to his face.

“Never, for once, I felt pity for you. My feelings for you are genuine and real. I love you, Yuuri. I’ll even take a bullet for you,” Viktor tilted his head just a bit, to kiss Yuuri’s chapped lips. He didn’t care whether it was soft or rough, it was Yuuri’s.

Of course, Yuuri was shocked and stunned hearing those words coming from Viktor.

Instead of pushing Viktor away, Yuuri accepted him.

“Yuuri, I missed you. I thought I was going to lose you forever. I would not know what to do if you’re gone. So please, don’t disappear from me again,” Viktor kept hugging Yuuri until the both calmed down.

“V-Vik-Viktor! AHHH!” Yuuri, finally cried his heart out.

\-----

Yuuri and Viktor was completely silent in Yuuri’s hospital room.

Both were unsure of what to say during that situation. Viktor was just looking at Yuuri, still could not believe that Yuuri had finally woken up.

“Um… Viktor? Can you not stare at me so much?” said Yuuri as his face was turning red like a tomato.

Viktor quickly looked away. Viktor, himself, was also blushing. He didn’t realize that he was staring so much into Yuuri.

He cleared his throat before speaking, “Yuuri? Would you like to go out? You have been in here for months. So, I thought that you might want some fresh air. Oh! It’s snowing outside too!”

Yuuri didn’t know it was snowing outside as the curtains covered the windows.

Viktor walked towards the windows and pulled the curtains to the side.

Yuuri was so stunned as the snow falls.

“The… The snow is sparkling... like a million little suns,” said Yuuri, being captivated by the snow.

Viktor smiled as he walked back to his sit next to Yuuri and grabbed his cold hands, warming them up. Yuuri loved Viktor’s hands. They’re warm, Yuuri felt safe.

“Yuuri. The first snow is like the first love. I first saw you was a few years back, after you finished your program and you were looking up into the snow. Your face was so red from the cold. Normally people would find shelter. But, you. Only you looked up to be sky and said, ‘Wah. First snow, so beautiful’. At that moment, I knew that you were a kind-hearted person. Yuuri. You were my first love. You still are. Everything about you captivated me. Do you… have someone you love?” Viktor looked into Yuuri’s hazel brown eyes, tears appeared.

Yuuri quickly wiped his tears away.

“Eh. What. I’m crying again. Ah. Wait. Hahaha,” Yuuri tried his best not to cry hearing what Viktor said to him.

Yuuri looked into Viktor’s crystal blue eyes.

“Yes. I do. That person is an amazing person. He is kind-hearted, straight forward. Sometimes clumsy. Really popular. He never gave up his first love and a strong heart. I liked him and that was why I started skating in the first place. And I wished that person would kiss me right now,” Yuuri’s face was turning red from the embarrassed statement.

Viktor’s face was also turning beet red. Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s burning cheeks and put his lips on Yuuri’s.

Yuuri finally took a step out from the hospital. The first thing he did was extended his arm to let snow fell on his palm. Viktor put a blanket over Yuuri’s shoulder.

“On the 24th, I have a skating competition. And I want you to watch me. Sadly, you would need to watch me on a screen than live,” said Viktor, hugging Yuuri from behind. Yuuri just hold Viktor’s arms that was around his neck. Yuuri just nodded and continued looking at the snow piling up and covering the ground.

‘There are few sights more pleasant to the eye than a wide cotton field when it is in bloom. It presents an appearance of purity, like an immaculate expanse of light, new-fallen snow.’

Viktor whispered into Yuuri's ears which made Yuuri cried.


	9. Chapter 9

[18 December 2017]

Yuuri started doing his rehabilitation as he wished to be well and go for Viktor’s competition.

Viktor kept himself busy with his program for the upcoming competition. Although the both knew that they had to meet less, they know each of them are trying their best and working hard.

The words Viktor told Yuuri, Yuuri made sure he would recover, for Viktor’s and his own sake.

\-----

“Oi! Viktor! How is the pig?” asked Yuri, who was putting on his skates. Viktor was skating his program. Viktor took and break and skated towards where Yuri was sitting.

“Oh. Are you worried about him?” Viktor smirked at Yuri.

“NO, BAAAKAAA!” Yuri was turning red, regretting asking the question to Viktor.

“Hahaha. I’m just kidding. He woken up and now… I think he is doing his rehabilitation?” said Viktor who was a bit blur of what Yuuri was doing at that moment.

Yuri just nodded at Viktor’s answer.

Viktor thought of something and wanted to tease Yuri for a bit.

“Yuri. When are you going to ask Otabek? I know you guys are going out and stuff. But when are you going to the next step?” Viktor asked the Russian punk.

Yuri looked so confused to Viktor’s question.

“What the hell are you talking about? What next step?” asked Yuri, taking a step into the ice rink.

“Ha… I guess you are too young to know,” sighed Viktor, skating away and continued his practice.

Truth be told, Yuri actually understood. Otabek and Yuri were officially going out but they were still adjusting their relationship.

\-----

“Viktor! Yuri and I are going to visit Yuuri at the hospital. Are you coming?” Yakov asked Viktor who was still practising his program.

“No. I need to practice a bit more. I don’t want to disappoint Yuuri. You guys can go ahead. And say hi to Yuuri for me,” said Viktor who was distracted doing his program.

It was already around 7 that night and Viktor have been practicing since 11 in the morning.

“Alright. Please remember to rest. It’s good that you are motivated for Yuuri but remember your health also,” said Yakov just before he and Yuri left the building.

\-----

Yuuri just ended his rehabilitation and then resting on his bed.

Knock – Knock

“Yuuri. It’s Yakov and Yuri,” said Yakov who knocked the door.

“Oh! Come in,” said Yuuri, was shocked that it was Yakov and Yuri visiting them.

The both entered and made themselves comfortable in the room.

The three of them had a friendly talk, nothing too personal, up until Yuuri’s smile faded.

“Yuri. Yakov. I have a favour to ask the both of you. And please keep this from Viktor,” said Yuuri, being serious and the atmosphere of the room changed.

Both Yuri and Yakov stared at each other before facing Yuuri again.

“Sure… What is it? But if it too important, Viktor might need to be involved,” said Yakov sounded concerned.

Yuuri nodded and told Yuri and Yakov his favour.

\-----

[20 December 2017]

“Yuuri Katsuki? I’m sorry but you are not allowed to visit Yuuri Katsuki at this moment,” said one of the nurses when Viktor wanted to visit Yuuri.

“May I know the reason why?” asked Viktor, looking concerned.

The nurse kept quiet and looking down, not sure of what to say.

“Viktor,” said Doctor Seung-Gil. He signalled Viktor to follow him.

During the walk to Seung-Gil’s office, the atmosphere was heavy. Viktor was scared what might the doctor say to him.

_I’m sorry. Yuuri went under cardiac arrest. He might not make it_

Or

_Yuuri suddenly went into coma and not sure when he might wake up again_

Or even worse

_Yuuri Katsuki was sentenced dead on 19 th December 2017_

Before all the bad thoughts went into his head, the finally reached his office.

Seung-Gil told Viktor to sit down.

Seung-Gil sighed before telling Viktor the news about Yuuri.

“Patient Yuuri Katsuki suddenly went into a coma and the cause was unknown. It might be caused during the accident. It will not be permanent. It is more of an after effect. But I’m not sure when he will wake up. We have to be patient,” right after Seung-Gil gave the news to Viktor, Viktor sked if he was able to see Yuuri.

Seung-Gil nodded and Viktor left the room without a word. 

Yuuri was again, unconscious in his bed. Viktor knocked before entering Yuuri’s room. He knew that it was rude to not knock on another person’s door before entering.

Viktor walked over to Yuuri’s side and held his hand.

“You’ll…. you’ll wake up, right? You won’t leave me, again right? You promised me that you won’t leave me. Sorry, Yuuri. I can’t stay for long. But, I’ll come back for you. And I’ll bring something back for you. Please rest well,” Viktor kissed Yuuri’s forehead before heading out of the hospital.

\-----

“Otabek, Mila, Georgi, Christophe, me and Yuri needs your help. It is favour from Yuuri,” said Yakov to the skaters who are close to both Yuuri and Viktor.

“So here what he asked for,” said Yuri, discussing for Yuuri’s sake.


	10. Chapter 10

[25 December 2017]

_Next up, skater representing Russia, Viktor Nikiforov. Skating with his new skating program, choreographed by Viktor Nikiforov himself and his coach Yakov. And the song, ‘Stay Close to Me’._

It was the day. Viktor finally skated this program. Just for Yuuri. And only Yuuri.

“Yuuri, this is for you. So please watch me,” said Viktor, in his heart.

Just as the music started, Viktor got into the mood, his expressions changed and skated to the music.

Every spectator was clapping and cheering for him and was all eyes on him.

Well, Viktor just needed one person to look at him.

\-----

Yuuri was still in bed with the television switched on and Viktor Nikiforov was screening.

The room and completely silent with just the noise from the television.

\-----

“Oi Yakov, when is whole thing going to end? Both Otabek and I need to reach the hospital before Viktor does,” said Yuri to Yakov at the back room.

“With you being there is weird. Phichit should be there. I’ll talk to Phichit later. Come on. It’s your turn to skate,” Yakov replied and Yuri left Yakov side and skated to his program, ‘To Love: Agape’, choreographed by Viktor Nikiforov.

Yakov called Phichit’s coach to tell Phichit to be at Yuuri’s side until Viktor won his medal and left the ice.

In the speed of light, Phichit left the rink as he did not participate that year, to the hospital.

\-----

_Third place goes to Jean-Jacques Leroy, representing Canada! Second place goes to Christophe Giacometti representing Switzerland! First place with the score of 305.04, goes to Viktor Nikiforov representing Russia! Congratulation to the three skaters for this year Grand Prix Final in Sochi._

_\-----_

Viktor was asked to take photos with the other skaters after the whole program ended. Viktor wanted to quickly let them take pictures together and leave to see Yuuri and show his medal to him.

“Viktor! The hospital called! Yuuri is awake!” Yakov shouted from across where Viktor was and Viktor heard all of it. Viktor apologized to the skaters that he had to leave and it was an urgent matter.

\----

Everyone was rushing to the hospital. Yuri, Yakov, Otabek, Mila, Christophe and his boyfriend, Minami, Guang Hong Ji, Yuuko, Sara, Michele, Leo, Georgi. Phichit was already there beside Yuuri at the hospital. Some of them rode in Yakov’s car and the rest took the taxi.

\----

Upon reaching, Viktor was the one to reach to Yuuri’s room before anyone else. The rest arrived just a minute after him.

Yuuri was awake. Awake and alive.

“Yuuri. You’re awake I’m glad,” Viktor walked closer towards Yuuri but Yuuri’s eyes looked like a dead person inside. Showing no expressions.

Yuuri’s face turned towards Viktor who was panting and catching his breath.

Yuuri asked Viktor a question that shocked his and the people in the entire room.

“Who are you?” Yuuri asked Viktor, with a monotone voice.

“Yuuri? Why you ask that?” Viktor slowly walked closer towards Yuuri.

Yuuri’s expressions were still the same when Viktor arrived the room.

Viktor’s face changed and stood right beside Yuuri.

“Just kidd- “Yuuri’s words were cut off.

"Your husband" Yuuri's face was utterly speechless. 

Yuuri's family arrived when Viktor answered to Yuuri.

Everyone in the room including Yuuri screamed, "WHAT?!"

Viktor turned around to find Yuuri's parents were behind him.  Viktor swallowed his saliva and walked towards Yuuri's parents. Viktor did a bow to respect Yuuri's parents. He introduced himself to them.

"Mr and Mrs Katsuki. I am Viktor Nikiforov. I am here to ask for your blessing to have your son, Yuuri Katsuki, to be my beloved wife... I mean my bride or... husband. I beg of you," Viktor continued to bow towards Yuuri's parents and siblings. 

 Yuuri's mother told him to stand up. Yuuri's family hugged both Yuuri and Viktor.

"Of course, we will give you your blessings," said Yuuri's father.

Yuuri's mother held Yuuri's hand and cried as she said this to him. "Yuuri, both your father and I am sorry. Sorry for being the one at blamed. We are sorry for putting so much pressure on you. We are both were very stressed trying to support you at what you love, ice skating and the lessons. I guess the words coming from us are a bit too harsh. We are sorry. When we heard you were being hospitalized again, we decided to put work aside and visit you. Although we couldn't visit you when you hospitalized when Phichit brought you to the hospital. But we gave you your favourite dish, curry pork cutlet. Do you remember? We were really busy and we are really sorry. Can you ever forgive us?"

Both his parents were crying asking for forgiveness.  Yuuri hugged his parents with no hesitation. "Of course, I will. I know that everything you did was for me. And I thank you for that. I should have been the one to talk to you about my condition and the state I was in," Yuuri started crying as well. He felt as if a weigh just lifted from his shoulders.

"So, ... What the hell is going on?" asked Yuuri's sister. Viktor sat beside Yuuri and both of them we sit side by side with their legs dangling from the bed. 

"I can explain," said doctor Seung-Gil walking into Yuuri’s room.

"Well it all started with Yuuri here. He wanted to surprise Viktor with something right after Viktor's victory and he asked the help from Yakov and Yuri and me to set up the whole thing," said Seung-Gil and Yakov continued.

"We were asked to take measurements and Yuuri here pretends to be in a coma until you won for the Grand Prix Final. Do you remember us being... a little bit touchy with you?"

All of them looked that Viktor. Viktor was in deep thought thinking about the time they were being touchy and he did remember.

One day, Mila wanted to see the size of Viktor's fingers so they held hands together for about 2 minutes. Yuri and Otabek took Viktor's top size in a speed of light with Otabek's skilled hands. Christophe was comparing their feet together. Georgi was comparing how long Viktor's bottom was. Viktor gave his bottom measurements to Georgi and Georgi did not expect Viktor to just gave it to him.

“Well, to make it not so obvious, they took measurements which are not needed,” said Yuuri.

“But… Why do you need to take measurements of me? What for?” Viktor look into Yuuri’s eyes with a concerned look.

Yuuri held Viktor’s right hand, “After all this time, I want to thank you for being by my side. For always loving me all this time. And I want you to accept this.”

Yuuri slipped in a golden ring into Viktor’s right ring finger. The gold was shining, look so pure. Although it was just a plain gold ring, it was precious to Viktor.

“Well, I also have a present for you, thank you for being alive, thank you for loving me. I love you. With all your imperfections and flaws, I’ll still love you,” Viktor went in front of Yuuri, with one knee on the ground.

Viktor took out a small box and opened it towards Yuuri.

“Yuuri Katsuki, will you marry me?” Viktor’s face was blushing pink saying those words in front of everybody in the room.

Yuuri started to burst into tears. He covered his face with his fingers, trying to let anyone see.

Yuuri was crying but he was glad it was for nothing else because he was sobbing tears of joy. 

Viktor was about to comfort Yuuri until a heavy lump was on top of Viktor.

Yuuri jumped into Viktor and answered, “Yes! YES! Yes, in different languages!”

Viktor looked at Yuuri, “How about Russia?”

Yuuri gave a smirk to Viktor and answered, “да”.                                                                                                     

“I love you,” both said in sync.

They were completely in their own world and not noticing the people around them.

Phichit started recording the moment Viktor entered the room. All of them were screaming and congratulating for both Yuuri and Viktor.

It was the best present Viktor was given.

\-----

[31 December 2017]

“Are you ready?” asked Viktor, who was fixing Yuuri’s hair putting it a slicked back.

“Of course, I am although we prepared this a few days ago,” said Yuuri fixing Viktor’s white bowtie.

“And, for the final touch…,” Viktor applied Chanel lip balm onto Yuuri’s soft lips with his ring finger.

“Let’s go and shock the world,” said Yuuri waiting for Viktor to leave the waiting room and onto the ice.

\-----

[29 December 2017]

Both Yuuri and Viktor started living together but not yet married. They are just lying on the couch when suddenly Viktor had a great idea.

Yuuri was lying on Viktor’s lap while reading a book online and Viktor was playing Makkachin.

“Ne, Yuuri~ Want to do something that will shock the world?” Viktor asked Yuuri who was confused with his question.

“Shock the worl- Oh! That’s a nice idea! When do you want to do it?” Yuuri stood up and both of them started their plan.

\-----

[31 December 2017]

_Here we have again, Yuuri Katsuki and his coach Viktor Nikiforov, skating to ‘Yuri! On Ice’ as a pair. Their costumes look very interesting. All pure white and wearing a suit. I can’t say, it almost resembles a ‘White Wedding’._

The spectators were all cheering for them.

When they finished skating, the spectators were shouting

“Congratulations!”

“Have a happy wedding!”

“You both look good together!”

Congratz!”

Yuuri and Viktor look at each other, did not realise that the spectators got to get the idea first before both of them saying anything. 

But in the end, everyone had a smile on their face.

“I guess it was a failed plan! Hahaha!” Yuuri laughed as he was hugging Viktor at the middle of the ice.

“No, it was a great plan,” Viktor carried Yuuri’s hand and kissed his knuckles.

\-----

Right before leaving with their gold medal hanging from their necks, all of them took a photo together, and of course, Yuuri and Viktor was at the middle, holding up their fingers showing their rings and kissed.

1, 2, 3, Cheers!!

Of course, taking a selfie using Phichit’s phone and his everyday selfie stick.

“I guess, loving you, was the best thing in the world,” said Yuuri, showing his angelic smile to Viktor, and only Viktor.

_‘I’ll love you, till I’m nothing like ashes’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!  
> YES I'M DONE!
> 
> Be prepared for a new Yuri! On Ice fanfic!  
> this time, ANGST  
> (but its exam period right now. Ill post the new chapter soon!)


End file.
